I'm going to ruin it for you. Forever.

Ready? As quoted in The Guardian, no less "...Lisa Simpson, giving London a blowjob." You'll never see it any other way now.

Any way you see it, it's a dreadful design (how long did it take you to realize it was a very stylized "2012"?) and a far cry from this:

Fry & Laurie Reunited: A Wasted Opportunity

I was hoping for something along the lines of Monty Python, Almost the Truth when I sat down to watch Fry and Laurie Reunited. Instead, I got a rather lightweight documentary, content to simply recount the careers of the boys using insipid little animations when not showing clips. One could have read in five minutes on Wikipedia all that was revealed during this plodding 90 minute show.

Interesting stories were started by each of the estimable comedy duo, but were never completed, the show moving from segment to segment to segment with no flow at all. What a fluff piece this was. There was no need for the producers of this show to put Stephen and Hugh in a room together if they weren't going to use anything interesting from their conversation. The guests interviewed didn't add much either, mostly phrases like "Oh, Stephen and Hugh are very funny," and "I was in a Fry and Laurie sketch and it was funny." Emma Thompson popped in to say, "I introduced Stephen to Hugh." The entire show was maddeningly context-free.

I'm not coming down on Stephen Fry or Hugh Laurie, I think they are terrific talents. Maybe some day, someone with a point of view will make a good documentary about them. Fry and Laurie Reunited sure isn't it.

Huzzah! More Peep Show

Peep Show, the best British sitcom since The Office, Extras, and The Thick of It, returns for a seventh season, and the quality is still as high as ever. David Mitchell and Robert Webb slip effortlessly back into their hapless loser personae, and hilarity ensues.

No Canadian broadcaster (that I can find) but well, it's available, if you know where to look.

Brian Eno interview

Took me a bit to catch on to what's going on here...



Small Craft On a Milk Sea is out now on Warp Records, and it's very, very good.

Fringe: Take the Long Way Home

10 random thoughts and questions about last night's Fringe, "The Abducted":

1. One of the Candyman's victims is alt.Broyle's son? How convenient!
2. Fringe Division been working this case for years, but only Olivia can crack it? How convenient!
3. Candyman isn't a serial killer, more of a serial... drainer?
4. Why do all serial killers and kidnappers have a second full apartment hidden behind a closet of the the apartment they live in?
   
5. The joining-of-the-dots between the Candyman's speech then the church, then the Candyman's lab and the minister require big leaps of logic.
6. If all the bad guys are after is life-force from children, why does the minster attack the alt.Broyles family?
7. Of course Olivia saves the alt.Broyles family in order to set up that alt.Broyles will save her from Walternate in an upcoming episode. I wish the the writers weren't so heavy-handed with the foreshadowing.
8. Why does Henry the taxi driver help Olivia a second time? She's never paid him for the very long cab ride she had when she first met him. He seems too altruistic, without justification. Hmm, maybe this is subtle foreshadowing...
   
9. Having been to the DOD lab only under supervised conditions, Olivia knows how to set up the sensory deprivation tanks, and find the right drugs to administer to herself, all in the space of five minutes? I know she has a photographic memory and high intelligence, but the other times she was at the lab, surely she wasn't privy to the settings of the tank or the combination of drugs administered. Yeah, yeah, dramatic expediency...
   
10. Fauxlivia: busted! Peter, sleeping with her: disgusted!

Infantalization, part 4

Lifehacker's newest amazing article... Are you sitting down?... Are you sure you're ready for this?... okay, it's called, "Make Mashed Potatoes for Just Two People". Click on the link if you don't believe me. The article is mostly a preamble to a link to another site which gives the actual instruction (a whopping 635 words! Holy over-explaining!). But here's what Lifehacker has to say on the matter,

Mashed potatoes can be seriously comforting at the end of a long day, but most recipes require a lot of potatoes, specific equipment, and a big mess.

I love the writer's assertion that "most [mashed potato] recipes require a big mess."

I was heartened to see most of the comments on the article were as sarcastic and derisive as my posting here.

Why People Voted for Rob Ford's Transit Vision

Avatar 1.3

I'm reading online there's another version of Avatar coming out on DVD, making it the third version of the film. Is it just me or does anyone else see the irony of a film with a strong environmental message being released three times on discs and packaging made from non-renewable resources?!

I get that audiences in general won't sit still for films over two hours and that theatre owners (rightly) don't like the longer films, because it means fewer screenings per day. So I'm not opposed to an extended cut of a film on DVD, if the film warrants it, but when it becomes the norm, when we can't ever see a "definitive" version of a film on a big screen with an audience, let's call it what it is: a cash-grab. Does a DVD release of Predators, to pick an example, need more footage?! The Expendables?! Would any amount of extra footage make Watchmen a good film?

Sometimes, studios mess with a director's vision. Films like Blade Runner and Brazil were released with happy endings which their respective directors railed against. In these sorts of cases, "Director's Cut" versions on DVD are valid. Sometimes films are restored years after they were made and new footage is unearthed, examples being Vertigo, or Metropolis. In this case, a new DVD release is warranted. These days, however, in most cases, the new editions are nothing more than scraps from the cutting room floor stuck back into the theatrical release, or in the case of comedies, a bit more nudity and swearing. It's now expected that nearly every major film release will have an alternate version available on DVD a few months later. That's not restoration, or artistic vision, that's planned greed.

Not being a buyer of DVDs (the odd used disc here, a Criterion disc there), it doesn't affect me much, but I worry for a society that not only consumes but is willing to re-consume basically the same thing a short while later (and in the case of Avatar, one more time!) I know someone who has a wall of DVDs, a lot of which, by his own admittance he bought "to have complete sets of.." [Indiana Jones, Star Wars, X-Men, etc.]. He hasn't watched some and has no desire to watch others. He's bought DVDs that do nothing but sit upon a shelf! He's bought into some marketer's idea of what constitutes a complete set of something. It borders on mania! When did seeing a film in a theatre become just the first part of an experience? More importantly why the F are we listening to marketers?!

I remember my father being outraged in the summer of 1977, upon finding out I'd been to see Star Wars again after he'd taken me. "What are you, stupid?" he asked. "You can't remember things?!" Harsh as that was for me to hear at 10 years of age, he had a good point.

Lake Shore

Everyone's abuzz about how racist and homophobic the characters on the new "reality" show, Lake Shore, are. Forget that, how about just plain stupid?

Behold, the certainty and wisdom of Downtown D!

The jig is nearly up for Fauxlivia...

Fringe,"6955 kHz," was one of those stories in the series that plods along in service of a greater story. I'm feeling like I felt once I knew Walter was going to cross over and grab young Peter from the Other Side: a couple of steps ahead of the writers. That's not the most enjoyable vantage point to watch a story from.

Not much new happened in this episode, and all the characters got to do the usual things they do:

• Walter smoking dope? Check.
• Astrid decoding something not by hard work but by sheer luck? Of course.
• Peter observing everything but saying nothing until he has all the facts? Affirmative.
• Nina bringing out some device Massive Dynamic has made or studied which "coincidentally" ties into the investigation? Roger that.
• Broyles delivering exposition? Confirmed. Poor bugger, that's all he ever gets to do. One episode last season gave him a bit of a back story including a failed marriage. But that story ended up being told by his character rather than shown.
  
• The whole gang solving something in a few short days that has eluded hackers and crackers and cryptologists for decades, possibly centuries? Of course.
• Imaginary Peter telling the Real Olivia on the Other Side* some ominous truth? Yep.
  

Which isn't to say "6955 kHz" was a bad episode. For once, the threat of the week didn't maim, mutate or mutilate anyone, a nice change. Weirdo book collector Markham made an appearance, which always injects some humour. And Anna Torv is doing a great job playing one Olivia pretending to be another. Her performance is quite understated. Even though we as viewers have the benefit of knowing it's "Fauxlivia", Torv gives the impostor some subtle tics and facial expressions the real Olivia doesn't have. As an actor, she's thought it through. She and John Noble (Walter) seem to be enjoying playing two variations on their respective characters this season.

Fringe is very good sci-fi TV, but like most serialized US shows, it tends to have too much filler. I don't think TV in general has learned how to properly tell a long story in weekly installments yet. Perhaps the media and the format precludes it. Dexter season 1 came close, but it was based on a novel. The long arc of Dexter over five seasons and counting, isn't very cohesive. Things that in a long novel wouldn't be tolerated--plot holes, subplots that start and stop abruptly, and inconsistent characterizations--are rampant.
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*Yes, this does sound like nonsense if you don't watch the show.

Chris Morris interviews

These probably won't mean anything until you've had a chance to see the Jihad comedy Four Lions (yes, you read that correctly, and yes, it is funny, very funny in places) but you can hear and see director/co-writer Chris Morris discussing the film on WFMU, on the Film School Rejects site* and on the Motion Captured Podcast.

Best quote from Mr. Morris: "I don't have a pathological personality disorder, so why get involved in Twitter?"
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* Be warned, the audio on the Film School Rejects video is quite poor.

A coffee and a muffin costs... um, Wait! I KNOW this... Um...

This morning I went to a local coffee shop. I asked the woman at the counter for a coffee and a muffin.

"I can't get that for you," she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Our cash registers are down and I don't know how to figure out the price."

I was dumbstruck. These two thoughts came to me:

1) How did this woman in her early twenties, not know how to do very simple addition and multiplication to figure out my total!? The manager and another employee overheard our conversation and neither of them jumped in to help, which leads me to believe they didn't know how to do the math either.

2) Why did this shop not train its employees to do transactions manually should the cash register be out of service? That's just bad business!

I didn't have the heart to do the simple math for the woman; I certainly didn't want to make her feel stupid. I hope she didn't notice me shaking my head as I walked away coffee- and muffin-less.

Review: Doodle

Sometimes something comes along that makes life a bit simpler. That this something is free makes it that much better.

If you need to get consensus on anything, head over to doodle.com. Once you sign up, this site lets you quickly set up events and polls. Add the Email addresses of the people you wish to participate (you can import contacts from Gmail), press send, and wait for the results.

Doodle is far, far, simpler than compiling Email responses and trying to remember who has yet to reply. Even if you use Outlook for your Email at work, this site-based polling is easier than the Outlook's "radio button" voting option.

As well as being able to track the results online, you can export the final poll to an Excel sheet or a PDF file. Doodle also makes everyone accountable for their choices. You can even hide all the responses from an invitee save their own to curtail strategic voting. Doodle is a terrific tool.

Funny, Free, "Flumpf": What More Do You Want?!

There's a Free Ricky Gervais Podcast here: Karl Pilkington: A Day In the Life. You can easily find it on Bittorrent or through Soulseek if you don't like or use iTunes.

It does what it says on the tin: Karl describes a typical day, much to the delight and amazement of Steve and Ricky. Karl reveals his love of (and lack of knowledge about) worms, coins the word "flumpf", and makes unflattering comments about the poor, put-upon Suzanne. I don't believe for a second Karl has any idea of how funny he is, which only adds to the comedy.

I thought I'd be tired of Karl by now, that I'd heard all the permutations of weirdness in his head. Nope.

Fake, or Impossibly Fake?

I couldn't agree more with this article, "How to kill a mockumentary", even though, once you get past the contrivance, Modern Family is a damned funny show. Interesting that the article doesn't call out the U.S. version of The Office for using the same fake technique.

Fringe: "Amber 31422"

An lot of setup just to start to get Olivia thinking about getting home, wasn't it? Not awful, but it has to be the weakest of the "That Side" episodes so far.

Around the City in 24 Cups, #3

Indie Coffee Passport adventures, yada yada yada, previous parts here and here.

#8
Quaff Café
668 Queen Street West
November 5, 2 p.m.
Atmosphere/Décor: Industrial minimalism with dark wood tables and accents. Very calming.
Seating: Ample.
Wi-fi: Yes, didn't try it.
AC Outlets: Enough for all!
Traffic: Not busy.
Staff: Friendly.
Drink of choice: large Americano. Very good.
Would I return? Yes. if in the neighbourhood, I'd choose this over a chain shop.
Overall rating: 4/5.

"Computer! Now, dammit! I'm a taxpayer!"

Some people should not go out in public. Seriously.

I was at the library today, using the internet. A woman, mid-30s, highly-strung, starts demanding, not asking politely, that someone give up a computer to her because she had to send something by a certain time. I saw her looking at what I was browsing (some products on the Source’s website) and felt her giving me attitude which said, "what you're looking at isn't important." I politely told her that I was using the computer and wouldn't be giving it up before my allotted time had run out. All the other computers were in use, too, and her aggressive attitude wasn't getting her anywhere.

So, off goes Miss Important to the head librarian and within earshot of everyone using the computers, starts to complain very loudly about how selfish people are and that she owns a house and pays $12,000 in property taxes and therefore should get computer time at the public library when she needs it. "These people," she said, indicating the computer users (me included), "don't even own property!" I couldn't believe my ears, and couldn’t let this go past without comment. I said to the woman that perhaps someone would be willing to give her a computer if she wasn't so damned offensive. She was so caught up in her tirade, it didn’t seem to register.

Ugh. What a horrible human being, and such a sense of entitlement. I hope she missed whatever deadline she was trying to make.