RIP Dexter

That's it. I'm out. Dexter season five has far too many plot holes and "what the hell--?" moments. To watch any further will just annoy me.

It's been an up and down ride. We went from the brilliant expansion of the slight novel Darkly Dreaming Dexter in season one, through the overlapping but opposite obsessions of Doakes and Lila in season two, then down into a sludgy season three nearly derailed by the bombast of Miguel and a completely lacklustre foe called, I think, the Skinner, who was never explained or explored. Season four saw a return to form thanks to a cohesive story, a grotesquely dark turn from John Lithgow as Trinity, and an unexpected final scene.

Which brings me to the end, my arbitrary end, one-third of the way through season five. This is not the Dexter I've come to enjoy and expect. It's horribly unfocused yet everything is telegraphed. Most the characters are chasing their own tails because the writers can't think of anything new to do with them, or can't be arsed to expand on established traits or plot points from previous seasons. And, just in case you're too slow to follow the meandering story or Dexter's internal monologue, don't worry: Harry, aka The Ghost of Plot Present, will pop up to keep you on track.

Even this episode's "huge reveal" at the end won't bring me back. I've taken my blood slide, already chopped up the body, and taken down the plastic...

Knob-ends Add Homemmade Sharrows to McDonnell Ave

So... someone, or a group, painted two way-sharrows on McDonnell Avenue, a one-way street in the west end of the city.

Read the full article on Blog T.O.

Fuckin' Hell. I cannot believe people would act so irresponsibly! I hope the cops find the idiots who did this and give them the maximum penalty.

Guerrilla road-markings have no place in our city. Apart from the obvious--potentially causing serious accidents--they don't foster good relations between cyclists and drivers, many of whom already believe cyclists are taking up more than their share of the road.

Just because you, part-time Guerrilla Painter and full-time Selfish Prick, may want to ride against the traffic on a one-way street because it's a convenient way for you to get to work or wherever, doesn't mean you should be allowed paint a directional arrow and then do it! It's... What's the word I'm looking for? Oh, yes: illegal! Also, for nearly each one-way street in this city there are others nearby, parallel to it, usually going in the opposite direction. You're on a bike; those streets are often under a minute away.

Hey, Perpetrators, what if drivers decided to follow your example, painting over legit sharrows, or removing stop signs to expedite their travel? Sharrows have improved every road they've been put on. Don't diminish their effectiveness by painting your own! Don't make drivers guess which ones are legit and which ones aren't! Roads, whether you're driving a car or riding a bike, are no place for guesswork.

The Ten Commandments of Podcasting

I’ve been listening to lots of podcasts lately and for the most part it has been a very enjoyable experience. While I’m all for the do-it-yourself, non-commercial ethos of podcasting, there are some general areas where most enthusiast-produced podcasts fall short. To that end, I present my highly-subjective, perhaps slightly curmudgeonly, “ten commandments of podcasting”.

1. Thou shalt identify your podcast within its first 15 to 30 seconds. I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating it is to try to figure out what I’m listening to, especially if I’ve put the podcasts onto my Shuffle-type mp3 player. A simple identifying tag off the top, such as “My Podcast, episode 15”, would be very much appreciated. The exception for which thou shalt be forgiven: if you lead in with a song. But I’d still prefer the tag first.

2. Thou shalt keep podcasts to a reasonable length. Two-hour podcasts?! And you’re not playing music?! Pass, thanks! I have a fairly long attention span, but if a topic is worth discussing for two hours, why not break it up over several episodes? For me, the sweet spot is about 30 minutes. If you have an eclectic podcast covering many topics each episode, does it need so many segments in one show? If the Learning Company can give a pretty good overview of an incredibly complex topic like world religions in 20 one-hour lectures, surely to God you don’t need six hours to talk about the latest CSI episode. Less is more.

3. Thou shalt get to the point, for fuck’s sake. Do not blather on about what you ate for lunch or where you live, unless your podcast is about what you eat for lunch or where you live. I went to listen to a podcast this morning which was ostensibly about Aleister Crowley, and the hosts rambled on about their hometown and the dampness in the studio and their haircuts and fuck-knows what else for ages. There was no discussion of Crowley until about 14 minutes in! Edit, people!

4. If thou hast sponsors, thou shalt keep their ads to 30 seconds or fewer. So you got a sponsor or two to help cover your equipment or bandwidth costs. Fantastic. But the tags for those sponsors shouldn’t run more than half a minute each. Surely you’ve seen TV ads and heard radio ads? Brevity is key here. SomeComicShop.com has sponsored you? Okay. Tell me where they are and (briefly) what they sell. I don’t need to know that SomeComicShop.com has… “manga, monster manga, giant robot manga, oversize manga, manga collections, cosplay manga, Japanese schoolgirl manga, futuristic motorcycle manga, post-apocalyptic manga, octopus manga, manga-related toys including monsters, giant robots, futuristic motorcycles, octopi” etc. etc. SomeComicShop.com sells manga and related toys. Got it.

5. Though shalt check the audio quality before it gets to my ears. If it’s unintelligible to you, why are you subjecting me to it? You obviously want to communicate something. Why else would you be making a podcast? Learn to use your recording equipment. Set levels appropriately. Practice your microphone technique. These are all simple skills to master. If I download one of your podcasts and it is unlistenable due to some technical fault, I won’t be downloading subsequent episodes.

6. Thou shalt normalize. You recorded your podcast and, by whatever means you used, it ended up as a digital file. Now take an extra five minutes to normalize the volume. This is especially important if you’ve got multiple segments or used different recording sources in your podcasts. Audacity, the excellent audio editing freeware, makes this simple. If I find that I am constantly fiddling with my mp3 player’s volume control while listening to your podcast, I’m not coming back for more.

7. Thou shalt tell me the band name and the song titles on the podcast. Don’t make me refer to your website. I’m usually listening on the go. Having play lists on your website is a boon, especially for someone like me who loves lists, but don’t let that be only place I can get the info.

8. Thou shalt not talk over each other. Learn some simple interview techniques. It will make your show much more appealing. And do you really need half a dozen guys in the studio all vying to be the funniest or smartest guy on the podcast? As well, please don’t chatter or cough or unwrap biscuits during songs if you’ve got a music podcast. There’s no excuse for this. It doesn’t make the show sound hip or intimate. It makes it sound sloppy and amateurish.

9. Thou shalt remember thine medium. It’s audio. I can’t see what gestures you are making with your hands. I can’t see the latest [insert object here] if you hold it up to the mic. And, unless you’re a particularly logical and eloquent instructor, I don’t think I’m going to be downloading in your origami-making podcast. Use descriptions. Keep it simple.

And finally…

10. Thou shalt not make me go through iTunes. If that’s the only way I can get your podcast, I won’t hear it. I’m sure I’m not alone in this.

Cheers.

How touchy-effing-feely of you

http://lifehacker.com/5134177/nicecritic-sends-awkward-messages-anonymously

Jesus H.! Are we becoming so deathly afraid of personal contact or offending someone that it has come to this?! God forbid we confront someone directly, or find a tactful way to say something about what may be a sensitive issue for someone else. God forbid we interact!

The creators of this service should be told that this is complete bullshit. I'd do it, if only it was one of the pre-chosen messages I could send anonymously through their service. I wouldn't want anyone to think that I, personally, had a problem with anything...