I KNEW this was a bad idea...

So I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for an unpaid writing partner to develop sketch comedy with. The first response?

Listen up, pal.

You want to write comedy? Let me tell you I'm the guy you want to work with. I can make anything funny. That's my deal, I'm a comedian.

If you got any guts you'll take me up on this.

I charge $300 a day for my cutting edge critiques of society, sobriety and entertainment news. I make David Letterman look like a shit I took after eating too many granola bars with too much cocaine.

Wanna know who influences me? Your wife. When I banged her last night.

BAM!

Anywhore, write back or something.

[name, wesbite deleted]

P.S. If your wife gets pregnant don't contact me.

"Listen up, pal... if you've got any guts..." Not "Hi," or "Hello". What sort of introduction is that?! He's going to goad me into working with him? Oh, and he wants $300/day? And he used the words "BAM!", "anywhore", and made reference to banging and impregnating my wife? Fuck me, that's hilarious! I'm thinking, "No way I could work with you, 'Pal'."

Of course, instead, I politely declined by Email. This was his follow-up:

You won't make it anywhere in this business if you won't settle for anything less than slave labor.

Got it?

If you're short on dough we can work something else out. Tell you what- I work for you one week and in exchange you can give me whatever kind of car you drive. Unless it's a real nice one. I'll give you two weeks of work for a beemer.

"Got it?"?! What is with this guy and his confrontational attitude? And what's with him upping his price to cars all of a sudden? When I wrote back, suggesting he was a bit delusional, and that he not continue to contact me, he wrote:

Hey pal,

Obviously you know nothing about great writing, great comedy, fine dining or fine art for that matter.

Next time you go to a museum and see a fuckin' Pollock on the wall and say, "Hey, my kid could do that" my point will be illustrated again.

Maybe you find that helpful, you putz.

Huh? What now?! Fine dining? Fine art? How did those things get dropped into this conversation? And what is the Pollack point, exactly? I wrote back saying I thought he was funny, but not intentionally. His reply:

I try, what can I say?

And indeed, what more can I say? Other than, predictably, "fuckin' hell."