Juried? Really?

Saw a play at the Bad Dog's short play festival. Awful, just awful. Junior high school awful. On par with the worst of the Fringe.

But then again, 90% of everything is crap. Why do I expect so much from entertainment?! Sigh. Glad I won tickets.

Dance of the Daleks

Streaming online until August 31, 2010, part of BBC Proms 2010: a discussion of Doctor Who's early incidental music, with composer Dudley Simpson.

http://tinyurl.com/28tdjfs

Anyone interested in TV/film scoring will like this 20 minute programme.

Jarvislanes are Go!

Took a ride on the newly-minted Jarvis bike lanes. The road is far better than Sherbourne, but I'd forgotten how many lights there are between Charles and Dundas.

Now if only the City Planners would realize we need a decent East-West lane through downtown, we'd be getting somewhere. Literally.

Must we eat Crow?

Caption: This is what passed for comic art in 1989, kids.

Okay, we're safe on the Robocop front, but now I read that there is to be a remake of The Crow, the Alex Proyas and Brandon Lee adaptation of James O’Barr’s undead avenger comic book. Really?

The comic from 1989 doesn't stand up. It's a nasty bit of work, devoid of anything remotely resembling a compelling story. So why would anyone buy the rights to remake it? Couldn't you just do your own "guy and gilfriend get killed by a gang, man comes back from beyond the grave to avenge her death" film? As for the original Crow film, it did well on initial release. I saw it on video at some point and thought it as slight and uninteresting as the comic was. Wonder how much of a bump it got because of Brandon Lee's onset death?

I guess if the Hollywood boffins (and I use that term very sarcastically) are determined to remake films, better they remake these than start trying to "reimagine" the classics.

Nogocop

According to io9.com:

Robocop:

Darren Aronofsky's much-rumored reboot can pull up a chair next to Darren Aronofsky's Watchmen adaptation in canceled movie heaven, because it's been all but officially scrapped, another victim of MGM's bankruptcy.

Huzzah!

BIXI

I'm trying to decide how I feel about BIXI. The premise is this:

"The name BIXI is a combination of the words bicycle and taxi, indicating how easy it is to access a BIXI bike wherever you are and reach your intended destination - without worrying about a parking space, a lock, or what to do if you weren’t planning on biking back afterwards. The bicycle’s engineering as well as its solar-powered docking stations located less than 300 meters apart define the accessible nature of this program.

"Since BIXI Toronto will run year-round, a hassle-free bike will always be conveniently close by. For a $95 (tax incl.) subscription members will receive one year of unlimited use of the BIXI system for up to 30 minutes at a time. For example, a subscriber could arrive at Union Station, take a BIXI bike to ride to work, drop it off in front of their office, then pick a different BIXI bike up at the end of the day to head back to Union Station. Or, if your trip will last longer than 30 minutes, you may dock the initial bike and access a second bike for another 30 minutes of usage."

(Source: Toronto Bike Union members' Email)

While I'm all for getting people out of cars and onto bikes, will this do it? I'm not convinced. I'd rather any tax money that is going into this be put into more bike lanes, more secure bike parking spaces, and road repair. Sherbourne's bike lanes need some work.

Ninety-five dollars is good chunk of change towards a used (or new) bike, for a person to use whenever and wherever they want.

For the commuter who might use it from Union as suggested above, that's an extra $95/year on top of transit fees. Unless they're cutting out a TTC ride or two each day, will it be worth it for them?

Will Tourists use these? Not without more bike lanes. Imagine a Tourist renting a BIXI at City Hall. Where are the bike lanes? Queen? Nope. Bay? Sort of, in the shared diamond lanes, so really nope for the leisure rider. Dundas? Nope. University? Sadly (and damn you, City Council!), nope.

Maybe they'll have BIXI on the Toronto islands? I'm all for that, and I'm sure they would be well-used there, freeing up space on the ferries on the busy summer weekends. I'd bet 50 or even 100 BIXIs on the Islands would get used every weekend, six to eight months of the year.

Finally, while I know helmets are not mandatory, BIXI riders--since I'm guessing they won't be lugging around helmets of their own--will be that much less safe if they do ride.

I'm not dumping on the hard-working bike advocates trying to get this program going, More bikes, fewer cars is my mantra. I'm just failing to see who the target market is for BIXI and wondering if the docking stations will be as ugly as the rest of Toronto's street furniture.

Time will tell. In the meantime, ride ‘em if you’ve got ‘em!

In case you don't know when you're being a &#$@ing jerk

Click here.

You're fucking welcome, and get off your high horse why don't you?!

It won't be long until we really do become the fat, floating-chair society shown Wall-E.

To each his own, but...

A friend who loves Nolan's The Dark Knight doesn't like Inception at all. Hey, at least Inception didn't have the climax in the middle of the film. And, unlike the lumbering The Dark Knight, Inception fairly zips along.

Salt... m'eh

Caption: "Is this American Table Salt? Russian Table Salt?
Ah, who the hell knows? Too much! Too much!"

This one's being compared to the Jason Bourne movies. A better film to compare it to would be The Fugitive sequel, U.S. Marshals. Yes, Salt is that predictable and dull. It's a plot-heavy character-light film that zips along until it's over and you're left thinking "but how could she do--?" and "how would she know--?"

There's never any feeling that Salt is improvising her way through situations, which I assume is what we're supposed to believe she's doing. Everything happens by rote: every gunshot, every explosion, every kick, and no one is in any danger of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Baddies get shot, blown up, and kicked; Salt does not. And, in a case of stretching credibility particularly thin somehow our heroine can predict the outcome of crashing a car she's not driving nor buckled into, leaving her to walk away to the next set-piece.

A better action vehicle for Angelina than the awful Tomb Raider pictures, miles better than the morally-repugnant Wanted, but not as good as the very average Mr and Mrs Smith, which a least had some humour in it.

On the dollar scale: I paid $8 to see it, worth about $4.

More weirdness from writerspace

I can't prove it, but I think the idiot from this posting sent me another Email, from a different Email address. It has the same smarmy "charm" and egomaniacal flavour. I've not responded to anyone else who has sent me Emails (yet), so the reference to the little brother being a brat makes sense...

I've been thinking about it and I really think we should do this comedy thing. Sorry about my little brother being a brat. He can be annoying sometimes. Anywho when are you free? [...I] hope you haven't found another "partner in crimedy"!

So I have a few questions to ask about the project.

[...including] 4) What was your most embarrassing moment?

I'm really excited about this. My friends tell me I'm super funny (and super hot!). What do you want the different sketches to be?

I can't wait till we do live performances and make a lot of money (50/50, right babe?). I'll totally be the best writer you ever work with.

Message me back and send me a pic, babe.

Same guy, you think? And who calls another man "babe"? Either way, I'm not responding. (Moves mouse over the "report spam" button in Gmail...)

Scott is in the Details

Inception's reviews got me thinking about another film people seem to have trouble following, Blade Runner. I have friends who to this day argue that Deckard is not a replicant. Yes, he is. Here's someone who's qualified to say so.

Quick plug

A couple of very funny Toronto actor/comedians I know get together each week to discuss current events in a humourous manner. Now you can eavesdrop on them at The Puffin.

R.I.P., Daniel Schorr, 93

Famed CBS and NPR newsman, Daniel Schorr, died today at age 93, working right up until very nearly the end. Now that's a career.

There's Excellent text and audio overview of his career here, including the story of how he discovered--while reading it on-air--that he was on Nixon's 'enemies list'.

A good read

Invisible by Paul Auster, ISBN 9780312429829.

Not one of his best works, such as Mr Vertigo or The Book of Illusions, but still a good way to pass a couple of summer afternoons.

Carlton redux

The Carlton has reopened under the Rainbow/Magic Lantern banner which means cheaper films and $5 films* on Tuesdays!

Huzzah!

Here's the link. Carlton Cinemas. And if you get yourself the Rainbow Cinema at Market Square, they'll give you 2-for-1 coupons for the Carlton if you ask.

Get out there and keep these niche cinemas alive, people! And if you don't live in Toronto, find the local cinemas in your town and support them.

*Alliance Atlantis Beaches Cinemas also has cheap ($4.95!) films on Tuesdays.

I KNEW this was a bad idea...

So I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for an unpaid writing partner to develop sketch comedy with. The first response?

Listen up, pal.

You want to write comedy? Let me tell you I'm the guy you want to work with. I can make anything funny. That's my deal, I'm a comedian.

If you got any guts you'll take me up on this.

I charge $300 a day for my cutting edge critiques of society, sobriety and entertainment news. I make David Letterman look like a shit I took after eating too many granola bars with too much cocaine.

Wanna know who influences me? Your wife. When I banged her last night.

BAM!

Anywhore, write back or something.

[name, wesbite deleted]

P.S. If your wife gets pregnant don't contact me.

"Listen up, pal... if you've got any guts..." Not "Hi," or "Hello". What sort of introduction is that?! He's going to goad me into working with him? Oh, and he wants $300/day? And he used the words "BAM!", "anywhore", and made reference to banging and impregnating my wife? Fuck me, that's hilarious! I'm thinking, "No way I could work with you, 'Pal'."

Of course, instead, I politely declined by Email. This was his follow-up:

You won't make it anywhere in this business if you won't settle for anything less than slave labor.

Got it?

If you're short on dough we can work something else out. Tell you what- I work for you one week and in exchange you can give me whatever kind of car you drive. Unless it's a real nice one. I'll give you two weeks of work for a beemer.

"Got it?"?! What is with this guy and his confrontational attitude? And what's with him upping his price to cars all of a sudden? When I wrote back, suggesting he was a bit delusional, and that he not continue to contact me, he wrote:

Hey pal,

Obviously you know nothing about great writing, great comedy, fine dining or fine art for that matter.

Next time you go to a museum and see a fuckin' Pollock on the wall and say, "Hey, my kid could do that" my point will be illustrated again.

Maybe you find that helpful, you putz.

Huh? What now?! Fine dining? Fine art? How did those things get dropped into this conversation? And what is the Pollack point, exactly? I wrote back saying I thought he was funny, but not intentionally. His reply:

I try, what can I say?

And indeed, what more can I say? Other than, predictably, "fuckin' hell."

I con-fez

After only 13 episodes David Tennant feels like a distant memory.

You're doing a bang-up job, Mr. Smith. Keep up the great work.

Oh, and...

• No, neither fezes no bowties are cool. Big points for trying, though.
• Karen Gillan has got to be the sexiest companion since Lala Ward.
• Moffat's through-line for the season worked; it didn't feel like a tacked-on like "Bad Wolf" did. I still don't really know what "Bad Wolf" was.
  

Question of the Day: Why Doesn't Your Brain Work?

Okay, since Inception opened I've been reading sentences like these in online reviews:

• "...ends up frustrating the audience because it all can't be figured out on the first viewing."
• "...worth the investment just to be able to say you sat through it, even if you can't follow all of its meandering machinations."
• "Some details of the labyrinthine plot are simply too obscure to comprehend on a first viewing."
• "I suspect even repeat viewings won't be enough to nail this one down."
• "...challenges our ability to keep up."

Seriously?! For a film about dreams, it's incredibly logical. It's also a lot of fun if you go with it. Listen, if you're over 14 and you cannot follow the plot of Inception, (1) you're an idiot; (2) you should not be reviewing films; and (3) you really are an idiot. Feel free to make make judicious use of train tracks.

Good Idea: Paper to readers: Comments now cost 99 cents and your name

From The Attleboro Sun-Chronicle website.

The gist is this: to prevent being held liable for anonymous comments posted on their site, this news outlet would require people who wish to comment on articles to pay a one-time fee of 99 cents and properly identify themselves. This is "to eliminate past excesses that included blatant disregard for appropriateness guidelines, blind accusations and unsubstantiated allegations." Sounds reasonable. Also, "Registrants understand that under existing state and federal laws they are legally responsible for any comments they post." Again, more than reasonable. Left unchecked, it's only a matter of time before someone starts taking website owners to court over postings made by anonymous commenters.

Some say this will retard "user interaction". I'd say to that, "the users' interactions are already retarded."

(And... predictably!... the comments following this online article are inane and pointless, with posters decrying that--gasp!--they will be responsible for what they write).

Sigh. And good on The Attleboro Sun-Chronicle!