I’m not on Twitter (and probably never will be), but thought I’d try my hand at the format (140-characters or less per entry) and write my initial impressions of Watchmen:
* Too short. Should have been a 12-part HBO mini-series.
* Opening sequence: awesome. Hi, Warhol, Bowie, and Jagger! Fun subversion of iconic sailor-kiss photo.
* So ordinary, non-powered folks can punch through granite countertops, can they?
* Jackie Earle Haley is very, very good.
* Nite Owl looks WAY too much like Chevy Chase, ca. 1979. Distracts.
* Holy F, Malin Akerman is a terrible actress.
* Holy F, Mathew Goode is a terrible actor.
* Thanks for explaining The Doomsday Clock to me like I’m a complete fucking idiot.
* Adrian can see poison capsules in people’s mouths from five feet away! Other characters strangely not at all suspicious.
* Person who did old-age makeup effects obviously doesn’t know his craft. Doesn’t help that actors don’t act old.
* Hey! Where’d Hollis Mason go?!
* Cartoon violence and realistic violence don’t mix if your film has no sense of irony.
* I would have had my name taken off this film, too, Alan. Dave Gibbons on crack if he thinks this mess is good.
* Bad use of back-catalogue music to set emotional tone. Hire better actors!
* Adrian says he’s not a cartoon villain. No one told Matthew Goode that.
* Sex scene: pointless. Unsexy.
* Destruction of a big chunk of New York strangely unmoving. Bodies conveniently disintegrated.
* Small-scale brutal violence okay with director; large-scale not so much.
* Silk Spectre and Nite Owl kill people. What the F?!
* Three hours of life lost to this mess.
* Critics say "faithful" to original. Haven't read original, obviously.
* No more Alan Moore stories will be turned into Hollywood pap. Hooray!
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