R.I.P., Daniel Schorr, 93

Famed CBS and NPR newsman, Daniel Schorr, died today at age 93, working right up until very nearly the end. Now that's a career.

There's Excellent text and audio overview of his career here, including the story of how he discovered--while reading it on-air--that he was on Nixon's 'enemies list'.

A good read

Invisible by Paul Auster, ISBN 9780312429829.

Not one of his best works, such as Mr Vertigo or The Book of Illusions, but still a good way to pass a couple of summer afternoons.

Carlton redux

The Carlton has reopened under the Rainbow/Magic Lantern banner which means cheaper films and $5 films* on Tuesdays!

Huzzah!

Here's the link. Carlton Cinemas. And if you get yourself the Rainbow Cinema at Market Square, they'll give you 2-for-1 coupons for the Carlton if you ask.

Get out there and keep these niche cinemas alive, people! And if you don't live in Toronto, find the local cinemas in your town and support them.

*Alliance Atlantis Beaches Cinemas also has cheap ($4.95!) films on Tuesdays.

I KNEW this was a bad idea...

So I posted an ad on Craigslist looking for an unpaid writing partner to develop sketch comedy with. The first response?

Listen up, pal.

You want to write comedy? Let me tell you I'm the guy you want to work with. I can make anything funny. That's my deal, I'm a comedian.

If you got any guts you'll take me up on this.

I charge $300 a day for my cutting edge critiques of society, sobriety and entertainment news. I make David Letterman look like a shit I took after eating too many granola bars with too much cocaine.

Wanna know who influences me? Your wife. When I banged her last night.

BAM!

Anywhore, write back or something.

[name, wesbite deleted]

P.S. If your wife gets pregnant don't contact me.

"Listen up, pal... if you've got any guts..." Not "Hi," or "Hello". What sort of introduction is that?! He's going to goad me into working with him? Oh, and he wants $300/day? And he used the words "BAM!", "anywhore", and made reference to banging and impregnating my wife? Fuck me, that's hilarious! I'm thinking, "No way I could work with you, 'Pal'."

Of course, instead, I politely declined by Email. This was his follow-up:

You won't make it anywhere in this business if you won't settle for anything less than slave labor.

Got it?

If you're short on dough we can work something else out. Tell you what- I work for you one week and in exchange you can give me whatever kind of car you drive. Unless it's a real nice one. I'll give you two weeks of work for a beemer.

"Got it?"?! What is with this guy and his confrontational attitude? And what's with him upping his price to cars all of a sudden? When I wrote back, suggesting he was a bit delusional, and that he not continue to contact me, he wrote:

Hey pal,

Obviously you know nothing about great writing, great comedy, fine dining or fine art for that matter.

Next time you go to a museum and see a fuckin' Pollock on the wall and say, "Hey, my kid could do that" my point will be illustrated again.

Maybe you find that helpful, you putz.

Huh? What now?! Fine dining? Fine art? How did those things get dropped into this conversation? And what is the Pollack point, exactly? I wrote back saying I thought he was funny, but not intentionally. His reply:

I try, what can I say?

And indeed, what more can I say? Other than, predictably, "fuckin' hell."

I con-fez

After only 13 episodes David Tennant feels like a distant memory.

You're doing a bang-up job, Mr. Smith. Keep up the great work.

Oh, and...

• No, neither fezes no bowties are cool. Big points for trying, though.
• Karen Gillan has got to be the sexiest companion since Lala Ward.
• Moffat's through-line for the season worked; it didn't feel like a tacked-on like "Bad Wolf" did. I still don't really know what "Bad Wolf" was.
  

Question of the Day: Why Doesn't Your Brain Work?

Okay, since Inception opened I've been reading sentences like these in online reviews:

• "...ends up frustrating the audience because it all can't be figured out on the first viewing."
• "...worth the investment just to be able to say you sat through it, even if you can't follow all of its meandering machinations."
• "Some details of the labyrinthine plot are simply too obscure to comprehend on a first viewing."
• "I suspect even repeat viewings won't be enough to nail this one down."
• "...challenges our ability to keep up."

Seriously?! For a film about dreams, it's incredibly logical. It's also a lot of fun if you go with it. Listen, if you're over 14 and you cannot follow the plot of Inception, (1) you're an idiot; (2) you should not be reviewing films; and (3) you really are an idiot. Feel free to make make judicious use of train tracks.

Good Idea: Paper to readers: Comments now cost 99 cents and your name

From The Attleboro Sun-Chronicle website.

The gist is this: to prevent being held liable for anonymous comments posted on their site, this news outlet would require people who wish to comment on articles to pay a one-time fee of 99 cents and properly identify themselves. This is "to eliminate past excesses that included blatant disregard for appropriateness guidelines, blind accusations and unsubstantiated allegations." Sounds reasonable. Also, "Registrants understand that under existing state and federal laws they are legally responsible for any comments they post." Again, more than reasonable. Left unchecked, it's only a matter of time before someone starts taking website owners to court over postings made by anonymous commenters.

Some say this will retard "user interaction". I'd say to that, "the users' interactions are already retarded."

(And... predictably!... the comments following this online article are inane and pointless, with posters decrying that--gasp!--they will be responsible for what they write).

Sigh. And good on The Attleboro Sun-Chronicle!

Test of audioboo

The net just keeps getting simpler and simpler, dunnit? Here's an embedded audioboo of the first Radio Vault podcast for your listening pleasure.

More about Radio Vault here: radiovault.ca

Good idea for a product, bad idea for a price!

These aren't not a bad idea at all, especially for cyclists. I would NEVER (unlike other idiots I pass) cycle while wearing headphones. Something like this would be ideal, and I hardly think the volume would disturb anyone.

But $130 US for a teeny pair of amplified speakers? F no. Where's my soldering iron?

There are a million screenplays in the naked city...

Every time I go to my local coffee shop to write, I'm surrounded by a sea of laptops and netbooks, many with open Word or Final Draft documents containing those unmistakable text "shapes" known collectively as a screenplay: wide blocks of description, narrow blocks of dialogue. From a distance it looks like Tetris being played by someone who has no idea what the object of the game is.

Similarly, I'm fairly certain that these screenplays are being written by people who have no clue how to tell an original story. Here's my guess of how these hundreds of screenplays living on hard drives across the city break down:

• 30%: 30 Rock spec scripts (most, presumably, not even close to the show's high standard of comedy)
• 9%: rewrites of films that have already been made. Yes, believe it or not, there is a sub-genre of "writer" that insists on rewriting scripts of films they didn't like. I know of someone who, and I quote from his blog, "I spent a few years in geek hell compulsively re-writing this movie [Star Wars: The Phantom Menace], literally, and no good came of it.' (Well, duh!)
• 30%: sci-fi/superhero movies
• 20%: horror/slasher/supernatural movies
• 10%: teen sex comedy movies
• 1%: solid, original scripts

Being involved with a comedy troupe, I'm always running into Creative Types writing The Next Big Thing. Once they find out I'm a writer and that I have worked as an editor, they're relentless in their pursuit of feedback. Free, of course, because to them my time isn't worth anything.

Well, Creative Types, the answer is "No". No, I won't read your Zombie Batman vs. Vampire Spider-Man script! No, don't send me your pitch for the next Star Trek series... What? Cloverfield vs. Aliens?! You do realize that "Cloverfield" refers to an area of Central Park and isn't the name of the monster, don't you? And you? You're writing a movie about people who fall in love over Twitter?

Listen, just forget I said anything, and I'll try not make eye contact with you while you're out writing your Masterpiece. Deal?